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Very soon I was dragged to my house at Orissa through a message which my father could post by means of a source. Undaunted by my own Will I had wanted to lead a life as prescribed by the Supernatural Hands. But, it was absolutely otherwise from all points of view.
A son, in front of his fathers personality, is too puny by all means. I could not also thrust any definite challenge on the face of my father to stave off his formidable bid.
I was told to marry the girl he had selected for me. What an awful proposal tendered to me in a moments notice! Benumbed and motionless I had been for minutes, and I had not the strength even to clear off the lumps I felt within my throat. By the time I had gained the courage within me to extend my sharp negation I found my father was on his legs away from the place.
What a supremely distasteful shake vibrated within my foundations and made me absolutely non-plussed! All the itineraries for the marriage Was getting ahead as scheduled. I had no option other than to submit to the call of my parents. Negotiations for fixing up a Hindu marriage is absolutely a prerogative of the guardians of the bride and the bridegroom. Who am I to break the convention that is standing there since time immemorial? So I had no way but to swallow the pangs head-foremost if at all that had to be hurled at me by my father.
Until the auspicious moment cast its point of intersection I Was groping within my owns mind. After I could ponder deeply over the imminent issue which was within the region of prayer, I had the desired clue to ventilate my impulse towards a state of calmness. Nobody in my house could follow the sudden trend that had clutched me by that time.
The Mother had hugged me by Her divine wish. She had saved me from all the typical trials. It was a case of that inherent libido which is the only factor being the Gateway to the path of Creation for all the living beings. I had the urge also within me with the very advent of my manhood.
I could understand that my rudimentary training in the line of Yoga became a reality only due to my luck. Hence, out of despair while I was thinking of my acquittal I was granted a particular stay to react against the feasibility of my marriage. However, the preparations in our house, as well as in the brides were getting on in a slow but steady way. Yet there was a considerable time for the due date.
I had my inclination to acquire the greatest stronghold in all the branches of Yoga. The Padmasana (a particular feature of sitting-with both the legs placed in a criss-cross manner) being the foremost to gain concentration of the mind, became my only issue. For hours-together at a stretch I could remain in that state.
But I had the greatest attraction for the Asana* comprising of the most strenuous skill. This was to remain standstill on one leg only. I declared to all the inmates of my house that I might not be disturbed for at least ¾ days although I would suspend from taking any meals even during all the days because I would be performing a special Sadhana (prayer) .
At first I was given a sharp check from all corners and was told to behave in a way as all the ancestors in our line had done so far. I could make them understand that my married life or the unmarried state could never mar the possibility for the realisation of the Goddess Mother.
As I had wanted to Seclude myself in a room within our own boundary, so, they decided not to clamp any further toughness on my discretion. I was spared to swing in my own emotion for the earmarked days.
By the grace of the Mother I could endure and withstand all the effects of the painful upheavels. Even the Natures call could be thwarted at ease. The hunger in the form of appetite, the slumber in the state of sleep and the state of that one-legged equilibrium with the criterion of a sensitive balance, and even all the other Natures calls within finally submerged in the state of sublimity. For four days and nights I was not in my own self.
I had my Siddhi (final state of achievement in the cult of Mysticism) at least through one such Yoga process. Although the ego has to be knocked off in order to be one with that BIG ONE, yet at least a tinge of ego has to be maintained all through the process. By virtue of myself being taught by the Divine Mother Herself I could come back to any own body self at the due date.
My state of retreat for such a good deal of period made everybody thrilled with a sense of awe and solace.
The Mother by the time taught me to see in every human Her own embodiment and gradually this particular sense was getting indelibly etched in the core of my heart.
What a sense of indifference had cast its spell on me! I had my mind working within. Yet, I was made a tool by all my well-wishers, for this marriage.
Lest there might be the calumnous stigma concerning the bride they had chosen, I tendered, once again, my absolute unwillingness to marry. I made everybody understand my mission and explained my over-all attitude to the womanhood as an embodiment of the Divine Mother.
A marriage is fulfilled only when the hearts of the both choose, eyes of the both find and the hands of the both bind each other. The destiny in my person was meant for something odd and hence it was just at the eleventh hour when I had vanished from my house. At length I became immuned to all the pathos that had heaped all round. In a minute the hilarious mood of everybody transformed into a state of utter gloom.
The Mother had given me to put on a cloak made of steel. There were no such earthly weapons to infiltrate within my strong mind. I cast a deaf ear to that poor mite who was made a tool for me in the category of a beloved wife. I hail no other hope to see her again bedecked with an apron over her head. To me the womanhood had transformed into a part and parcel of the Mother.
Next Chapter: Sadhana